You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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