Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
