Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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