I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
