Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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