I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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