I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
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