WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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