I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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