my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
