So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
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