I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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