you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
