life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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