I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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