I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
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He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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