He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize