He asked me if I "almost moaned"
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize