Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
