Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
