dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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