Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
