Ambien. No doubt about it.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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