well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
