I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
