easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
