The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Threesome in a minivan. New low
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
