seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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