Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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