Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
sarcasm needs its own font
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
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