I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Randomize
