if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
My pussy is not your playground.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
