Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
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It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
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My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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