we have officially lost it.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
