a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize