"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
