i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
