that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
