it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
