I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
