so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
