i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I am available for nakedness
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
