did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
