Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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