Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
