Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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