Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I want to have your abortion
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
