I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
