i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
