Say something about gay babies.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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