I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
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