i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
