Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
