my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
