True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
