Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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