Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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