You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
