my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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