I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
