Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
