There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
