Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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