Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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