no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
