I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
