It was like getting head from an anaconda
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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