I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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