drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
