Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
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