Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
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