the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
