Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
